book of all time...or at least an amateur trying to write the greatest book of all time - and I only say that not to down myself but I will not be a professional until someone outside of my inner circle has read my words - I really hope you can afford it and enjoy it. The Destroyer.
I had a book The Bendendite Community that I drempt about and then wrote in 1996 that never saw the light of day - that's why I self published this. It is hard for an unknown to get a foot in the door unless you are a remarkable writer or you know someone - come on, I know of many a famous people/writers that churn out shit or the same shit time after time - there ain't nothing wrong with my writing - I have to hone my craft of course but this for me is the only way I know how - to get feedback from the people not agents, for now I really want to know what people think - even to tear it apart - I don't care I am not faint of heart - sometimes my feelings get hurt but for the most part I just want my children to be happy and healthy - God bless the latter - I really am grateful for their health - I love them like I never thought I could love. God truly blessed me with them...
SO again - it is 1 am I am absolutely exhausted and rambling like a motherfucker but the URL is www.xlibris.com/TheDestroyer.html
give it a test drive or wait for it to come to amazon in a few weeks and it will be cheaper - if you are really hurting for money and want a copy email me and I will gladly send you one...within reason - I'm not a fool - I can tell the true ones from the fakes - believe me I can....Love all of you that have supported me through every emotion I've ever had.
Debbie

eventually will be on amazon but right now www.xlibris.com/TheDestroyer.html sells it for 20 if you want to get it cheaper wait a month for amazon. I'll hook it up but for right now I'm too burnt,,,give me a minute...
The Destroyer will be here - everytime I think it's done I do something like read the back cover and have a heart attack. I tried to make it as perfect as possible but I only had the help of one other - thanks Marvin - and though he is magical he's not a magician - Happy Birthday to Flyin' Bryan - I know you are out there somewhere and have to say I never met anyone quite like you before or after - you are Keith in the book by the way - he's - your a good dude whever you are...
Having said that I just got Forensic Files on DVD must watch and my brain is swirling my kids woke me up all weekend long - they like to sleep with me and I had them sleeping in their own beds and then...I don't know...it wasn't happening this weekend - mostletof or however you spell it

I am really going for the dietary cleansing crap - I am going to be healthy as ever - tired of feeling depressed - my menstrual cycle I can't do anything about but I can do things to help - like work out, which I've been doing more. Eat better, no toxins, etc. Just what the doctor orders. I want to be as healthy as can be...It's going to take all of my will power but I will do it if it kills me??? Makes sense?? I have to publish before my 5 year old whose been running around in a bathing suit all day rewrites over what I've just written not that it was all that profound -  I have more important things to do like clean the toilet.

as a child and while my mom always taught me strength and perseverance my dad taught me never to take life so seriously and so many people do it's just sad. We only come around ONE time ONE time - live and breathe and even if you get depressed or on drugs or have sex with a hundred people never take it seriously (unless you get aids or something from it, then that just sucks) just enjoy your life.
I watch people driving themselves crazy over the stupidest things and I can't get it and never will.
Good and bad days appreciate those small moments and let go of the little things bugging you - and your money troubles will NEVER go away and if they do you'll have even BIGGER worries.
Peace.
Forensic Files is on...

The Destroyer is but a few weeks away I often wonder if it will have any impact at all - I would love for people to get something out of it emotionally/entertainment wise that I have in the past from books - books are my absolute favorite form of entertainment - music second, tv next - my kids are first but much different catagory - I just want to do for people what some have done for me - I am reading "Witch" by Glenn Puit and it is really good. I strongly recommend...

For real - if I can get through the busy signal the book will be available in days,,,

but truth is - drugs if used recreationally - and I mean:

a - smoking pot - one or two hits a night or just anough to buzz, or on weekend
b - cocaine - light weekend use (though I have yet to see this - it always turns from 1 8 ball to 3 or 4)
c - heroin, very, very occasionally, though done this way can make you sick
d - percocetes - once a weekend - two or three and a few beers - that's the best format
e - college use of mushrooms, LSD, ecstasy...I couldn't even imagine using them now - the sight of my cat use to blow my mind on these things - the last time I did mushrooms was in 1995 and it was just the best experience I ever had and because it was so great I vowed it could never be topped so that was the last time I did them - but I had a brain ache for a few days after-- that was not pleasant..pot helped

Hence, then I became a raging drug addict - spending 3,000 dollars a month, to me that it too much I make good money but, esp. now with kids, not that much money, esp. now in my new swank apartment. I started using benzos to the point of death because I could't handle the fact STILL that after three years I just can never use an opiate again - my drug counselor said that benzos are the worst, even worse than heroin, though there are more deaths from heroin, I know this fact because J the cop, my beloved fiance - takes a body or two out a week, at least from a heroin OD, he is in conflict with my counselor because he thinks it's absurd and if he was on the street he'd think differently - but fact is, most people mix and that's where the problem lie. No matter, I stopped the benxo use and the "mysterious" depression I had is gone - we, as addicts foolishly self medicate and it's ALWAYS wiith the wrong meds. I really want to go for the brass ring - Christ, can't I move on - I am still stuck in 1986 if I want to be honest with myself and my only hope of moving to that higher level is to do what I should - I wish I was rich enough to have someone walk around with me all the time...I just want to be sober for the love of GOD - why is it such the challenge - I have everything a person could possibly need in life, I have my health, my kods are healthy...one of my friend's twin sister was raped and murdered at the age of 13 and she is sober.  I have NOTHING that horrific in my past and yet I struggle like you wouldn't believe.
Ever notice how chronic users have the constant look of sadness in their eyes, in their soul? It's because there is nothing there - and people who are clean, some are miserable, but for the most part, they have strength - I want that strength....I want it...

Mother's day is next week don't forget.
I saw Iron Man last night and it was awesome - I always dug Robert Downey Jr. as an actor but never Gwenyth Paltrow - but I really liked her in this movie - Action - great background esp. for someone like me who isn't familiar with the Iron Man character - very good - the two hours flew by and I pray for a sequel. Which I imagine there will be - I have to type very very fast my kids are here and when you have a 4 and a 6 year old - you know how it goes - even with a movie on it's hard to capture their attention - they want me to be as riveted as they are by Alvin and the Chipmunks.
How do we as humans make it through life - when I am depressed I often think about how people do it who have nothing. I have almost everything I want and I still get major attacks at times - the only thing I don't have but wish for is my book to be a raging success somehow or lead to subsequent success - but you know that saying - "Don't ask for something because you might get what you wish for."? There is a reason for that. Everything I've ever wished for I've gotten but there is ALWAYS a string attached - you have to decide what you're willing to give up to get.

I can't believe how fast time flies when you are working it's like the weeks just fly - I was on amazon.com and found a 10 best true crime book stories and ordered a few - I love true crime and live with a cop - and am completely obsessed with Forensic Files but they changed it to 11:00 pm on the weeknights and my kids are here during Forensic Fridays and want to watch Ben 10 and all that shit. I don't know why the criminal element excites me so..
I am planning a chuckie cheese party - how exciting is that other than that just waiting for The Destroyer to come out.
Also the guy from The Howard Stern Show - Kenneth Keith I have to give a little RIP to - yeah he was a goofball as all the wackpackers are but it's a shame he had to go down like that, jeez, life is strange..,.
He was just on my email asking me to hook him up with a hottie and now he is hopefully in hottie heaven - I had to say something about him because a lot of people talk their smack but he never hurt anyone - well, allegedly...ahem...
Peace