What kind of fool am I to be turning down these great jobs? I must be nuts. I want to finish this book sooo bad that, my children, and my sobriety are all I can think about. I am going crazzzzy! Crazy I say. When I finish the book and am starting to sell, that's when I won't be able to find anything. I can't believe it's almost been a month since I was given THE BIG AX, my head on the chopping block for two minutes I was devastated (I was there for 12 years for crying out loud) and then, I started dancing and I haven't stopped (well, there have been some bumps along the way) I just wanna get my groove on, baby, I want my guts to tell me that I'm doing the right thing, although this last job, my gut was kind of saying go, so what should I do???Take it or suck up the five more months unemployment, NEVER KNOWING.....wooooooooohhhhh there's a spooky thought.Ω

What a great show - my kids loved it!!! I am the eternal Linus - always looking for the Great Spirit to enlighten me while others laugh and point fingers - but you know who wins in the end? The believers - because we know inside that our beliefs will guide us into Nirvana,,,the non-believers are miserable wretches and I'd say it's 80/20 - 20 being the cool, 80 being the miserable but it's worth it to meet those 20, man is it worth it - I've even seen believers change as they got older and embittered but not me - I will never give up, never give in - not until the day I retire to the other world....Ω

I don't know if I'll get a chance to post tomorrow - have to take my baby's out. Without them I wouldn't have the beautiful ray of hope that shines whenever I look into their eyes - I just started my daughter in dance class and she is such a little ballerina - I am so proud of her. She's going to go far - I know it - she's only 4 but has the eye of the tiger - my son, the beautiful expressive sensitive boy that he is. I think he will be a great scholar. And we had such a blast at the apple orchard yesterday. That's what soothes my soul - my children, their innocence, their beauty, their wonder and amazement. The people who come into my world for reasons unknown, at first...then it becomes apparent what they are there for....I love life and am just beginning my future...my world into the unknown and nothing could excite me more- job offer after job offer I turn away, why because 70,000 a year is not enough to sell my soul to the corporate devil any longer. It is time for me to fly....

And a black man approached me and said - "Do you know you're an angel?" and I turned to ask him what he meant and  he was gone - this happened in 1991, Since then I have been crucified by many, loved by thousands and I thought by now I would have figured it all out. And yet still I sit and wonder why my life runs as it does. My children are angels and my baby Jess, just starting dance class - it's all so wonderful.
I wonder what ever happened to that black man and I wonder how  many I will touch by being an angel with my book The Destroyer - to let know that freaks are OK that no matter how many times you are downed by others - there will always be a higher power to carry you through.
Stay strong and don't let the haters get you down. And above all remember that we all have a purpose in life. Always follow your heart. Your dreams - never ever give up. I'm so glad that my dream entails something I can do until I'm 101 - it won't matter how I look - I will always be young and beautiful and to my children I am an angel as they are to me.
I'll never forget that guy.
I wonder if HE was GOD.

I had a bad week and now - everything has turned for the best -  I remember who my real friends are. I got all caught up in people's bullshit - of course people are going to hate -  but the people who know me, my beautiful children - all that - that's what's important. That's my priority - my children - with my son I went to his school this morning and had a fabulous time at the pumpkin patch and we picked pumpkins and apples. My sobriety....my true friends and people who love me for the beautiful person I am inside. I have much love from so many...I don't know why or how I got caught up in this weird zone of people who are intimidated by my strength, my beauty and my drive to succeed, which I will by the way. Deborah Eden. That's who I am, and how I've forgotten - look at someone like Ann Coulter and how many people hate her and how many books she sells - you have to get past the haters and God Bless Howard, how he did it and continues to do it with all the hate that goes on, he is truly remarkable. And so am I and so are my children and I can't wait for success to breed all of the hate envy and fascination with people and their miserable lives.
My life is beautiful and always will be, Now, it's time for the author to be born. And I want it most of all for my children so that I have enough money to support them in whatever they want to do - I love my munchkins so much. To all the haters, see ya'. To all of my lovers, and there are too many too remember or to mention, God Bless. I love you all...and I am the true Queen,,, always have, always will be.

When my book is finished it will be sold - here, there I don't know but I gotta' make it my way...

to make it my way - being fucked up for so long I couldn't see it  - but now I do....I have to make it my own way without riding on anyone else. I may be a little off balance because I am sober but I have to do it my way...if I can't do it that way than it's not even worth doing...

I have to build my own fan base - why am I so nervous that I couldn't do it without help - I love all but want to be in the literary world - it's been my goal since I was a child...that's the only goal I haven't achieved yet...

I am king of the cocky world when I am high - but now that I've been sober for a while I am completely vulnerable and in a weird way - I hope everyone can bear with me as I go through this process.,.I am being completely honest as this is probably the hardest thing I've ever done. But I am doing it - for my beautiful children...

I am a writer. I am a mother. I am a lover. Life guides you to where you should be, I guess I got confused and thought the way to get where I want to go was through a certain avenue. But someone very close to me is right. The way to get my word out is to get it out through me. Through me, not through someone else's dreams or by riding on someone else's coat tails. I was always somewhat of an outcast but now I realize that even in the world of outcast's I am an outcast. Which is really weird, huh? But it's becoming more an more clear to me which direction I should take. It just is curious to me as to why the other direction fell into my lap in the first place. I will never understand it. I just have to follow my heart and write the way I want to write and see where it takes me, I feel kind of bad now that I ever gave the other way a shot because that really isn't me. Not my soul. My soul is quiet strength. My soul is beauty personified. My soul is going to make my dreams come true and teach my children to follow their heart. No matter how many tears fall because of confusion, no matter how many tears fall because I don't know what is going on right now. I know that I have to follow my heart. I just have to follow my heart. And see where it leads. I want to entertain people with my thoughts and words. I want to touch people's souls.

That's what I'm thinking right now???Where is this going?? All I want to do is right stories for people....and this is the mess I get into - this is the mess I get into...another relatonship TKO

The Destroyer will be available June 2008 - that's as early as I could rush it out - so I hope my fans wait for that and Glock 17 and the Destroyer, which is more violent - but is very much in the baby stages and I can't give a definitive date on that. So look for Glock 17 and as always, helping out my friend www.RobertaDecaprio.com who is a doll and hooked me up with a publisher....God Bless and stay strong - it is true only the strong survive and whatever doesn't kill you will only make you stronger...

Though I don't know what life has in store - today, next week I know that I'm alive and I have my children and material possessions mean nothing. I love my children and I will perservere no matter HOW I have to do it. That's my favorite word - you know why - because it's true - don't let the haters get you down just do what's best for you at that time and move on and never, ever, ever look back. Everything works out for the best. Everything.
I love Joan Jett - she's in Rolling Stone, opening for Aerosmith, Steven Tyler gave her a 49th birthday cake - Joan? 49? Holy shit and smokin' tobacci' time does fly - I remember her in 1982? at the old JFK and she was young and spunky and if I was a dyke I'd wanna marry her. Hell, I still want to marry her. She is gorgeous talented and I can't believe I am old enough to say classic - when I was younger there a girl name Zarina I think it was and she looked like her and I was so jealous - I wonder where she is now????After I finish this book I'm gonna be a back up singer for Joan - God Bless!!!!

This is my wind of change - it's time for me to fly - by myself....

I have to say one thing - anyone here down on their luck or feel as though they have too many poblems? I have more problems than you can possibly imagine - I am with you 100%. I believe in a higher power and I believe that everything, EVERYTHING works out for a reason. This is absolutely ridiculous. I will tell more and as always THE DESTROYER and subsequent GLOCK 17 and the Destroyer are on its way - I will win I will win I will win - that's the mark of a fighter and you should feel that way too.
Love and Kisses

Inside and out- I had a very bad experience this weekend - the point of all this is - I will survive- for my kids. They are the ultimate thoughts on my mind at all times. I met a guy who I thought was the love of my life and we were together for four years. But, if I could tell you the story - it is not to be so and it is time for me to move on, And he's wrong about me. I always play the weak little minx, when in reality, I am the strongest girl ever. Sure I get kicked around sometimes, but I'd rather get kicked around taking a chance than to never have taken a chance at all.

I figured, why not, hopefully someone will do the same for me when it comes time to publish my book. I am excited about SFRT on Thursday. For those who know what it is, good, for those who don't, find out. I went through a whirlwind of experiences within a very short time frame I truly wonder where I will be this time next year.

I don't know where I will be on any given day. I have to get out and break free of the chains that bind me - you wanna' talk Alice in Chains - Well Debbie in Chains is to be no more - I thought I found the love of my life. I really did....but on with The Destroyer - and subsequent "Glock 17 and the Detrroyer" man, they're gonna be some kick ass books - sorry I keep talking about them but I delivered some pix, right????
Debbiie - pray for me and my children....

Is a new writer/author/celeb I just met - she seems like a really nice lady whose been in the biz a long time. Check her out at www.robertadecaprio.com She's met interesting people and being handicapped I always considered somewhat of a blessing from God. It shows one a different perspective of life - and that's what life is all about. People go through their day by day drudgery not realizing that life is beautiful...don't forget that - we are all here for a reason and it's not to hurt each other - it's to get people to reach their hightest Nirvana's...and I don't mean Teen Spirit...

What's going to happen, where am I going? I suppose we ask ourselves these questions all the time - but I REALLY NEED this question answered on a day by day basis I am just thankful that my children are OK...I love all who read this and any suggestions, any comments - please email me.. I have a lot of internet friends who I wish I could spend more time wiith, In a few months I don't know where I'll be how far my book will be toward publication but I have chosen the self publiishing route for many resons, Many reasons, It gives me freedom to make my own mistakes and if I want something in there no suit is going to tell me to take it out. You want to help with editing that's fine - but no one is going to tell me how to write...I will write how I want and then sell, let the rest turn into history

Ok, since I've had limited time I have limited pix - ie - only one outfit on - but I will get more - and I wasn't even prepared - imagine if I had a photoshop to cut out my little baby pudge- my stomach never seemed to go back to the way it once was- but my tits and ass are prime time,  baby!!! I'm fillet mignon, I'm lobster with drawn better. I am a hamburger when ya' need some muffin stuffin...I can still fuck like a beast - don't let the "mom" side of me fool you - there are plenty of tricks left up my sleeve.
I have a few tattoos, and when I went to pick my son up at school, in the burbs, I am in the city (Thank all that is Holy for that!) I found the principal giving me a dirty look. Now as a child I was always a well revered student. Always. I find that cities, in general, are more accepting of the different drummers as Thoreau once wrote about. Living in the woods for some time, surely made him ahead of even our time. God Bless...I just want to shine, I'm not asking for much, Like, my son is in kindergarten and he gets homework every night! I never had homework back then. This society is too rush rush rush - we should be teaching our children other things besides sitting in the classroom doing the same dull workshops every day. We should be teaching them expressive thinking, example, think of a homework assignment for yourself tonight! That's the assignment. Think of something that you would like to be doing when you are older. Imagine the original answers that would come from truly free expressive little children. How imaginative - Instead they give out papers with the same old dumb circles and squares, circles and squares, night after night. It's a shame - this world used to actually be half decent at teaching in the 70's, What happened??? Even books and movies at that time were at their most original. Could you imagine Judith Rossner's "Attachments" at the best times seller list in today's age?!?
That's all I have for today. I have to get my children to bed, the most beautiful children in the world. I am taking them pumpkin painting this weekend and to South Street - we will take the El, it ain't what it used to be, but the experience of winding past Spring Garden is still there...

And I packed my beautiful kids off to school and I dressed Jess up in the cutest outfit. I signed her up for dance and now I can't find where the heck the email went - does everyone have the problems I do with misplacing shit? It gets on my nerves. I am watching "Waiting to Exhale" which I always stayed away from. I don't know why it just didn't look very interesting to me. It's actually really good, I didn't know Terry McMillian wrote it, I hope I'm spelling her last name right. Angela Bassett plays an awesome role. I remember when she got mad at Halle Berry for getting the Oscar for "Monster's Ball" saying viciously, "I turned that part down." But I can kind of see what she's talking about. Halle Berry is so pretty it almost hard to take her seriously and you can always tell it's her in a movie, where with Angela Bassett, she loses herself into her character. I wonder if she ever got an Oscar, I don't remember, but she deserves one.
That's all I got today - I got to get to "The Destroyer..." - remember the name comes from the Kinks song and it's sequal "Glock 17 and the Destroyer" comes from the department issued police semi-automatic that they use down here in Philly.
Ever want to meet someone truly insane - live with a cop for a while - they're on par with drug addicts except they're straight and that somehow makes it a lot scarier.

I'm getting ready for a lot of things -how will they all mix? Would anyone want to read a book by the "Q" girl? Probably not, in the beginning but if you put out quality work - how ever you got attention to it in the first place hardly seems to matter. Everyone writes books and probably some really great books are languishing in a 50 cent dust bin, never read...I've got to use all I can to get to where I want to be, and so far, everything I've ever thought was going to happen...has oddly happened, even if it transpired in a way I didn't expect - one thing I do know - taking drugs can be fun and even experimental when you're young and even Carl Sagan said Pot helped him pontificate about the earth and the universal planets and what it all meant....but hard drugs or when that's all you can think about...that is destructive and if anyone reading this can get through life without them -  DO IT - you'll be all the stronger for it...

That's it. I'm out for blood and I don't care anymore. This asshole that I was with I will call him Type O, he was with me when I got pregnant by another man Type A - that's how great our relationship was. So now, since I left jerkoff Type O for another man, the man of my dreams, Jim. I had a fucked up past and Jimmy came into my world and gave me something I never had before, self-respect. So in the mist of novel writing and job finding I have a new venture - getting Asshole Type O out of my life for good - he is not the father of my children and it's a shame because that's the only father they've ever know. I never wanted to hurt him but he's trying to take MY KIDS away - He says I'm a drug addict and inadequate to handle to kids??? Yet everytime he has the kids - either my mom takes him or he gets a babysitter. I went to Florida for a week when I called to tell Type O that I'm getting the kids - he tries to tell me that I am not getting the kids anymore - like he owns them...they are MY KIDS and I felt bad for the prick so when I left after a 9 year relationship of hell and AM SO MUCH HAPPIER NOW I thought that the kids would see him through - they are the most beautiful children imaginable but when I carried both of them - knowing the whole time that they weren't his it was sheer torture - it was not right and that's why I confessed - I gave the guy money for a house - I worked when he had no job until he found a good one and you know what he does - bites the hand that fed him- now enough's enough. I am out for my children - they WILL NOT BE RAISED BY SOME BACKWOODS HICK THAT I BROUGHT OUT OF THE STICKS LIKE AN APE ANY LONGER. I am so mad - it's all in the book and now it's all on the web, dear diary and readers. I love my children more than anything on this planet and I wanted them to have the best life possible - but this Type O ass is in for a RUDE AWAKENING>>>>Nobody is going to mess with my children - no one- I am a tiger and they are my cubs and his unfounded allegations are going to bite him in the ass - he tried to give the "papers" to my sister. WHat kind of lawyer does he have that doesn't send a registered letter? Sorry to take up space with this asshole but he's really done it this time - He dug his own grave and the only people hurt are going to be my poor children. I cannot believe I hooked up with some Greenville asshole because I was in the sticks for so long, crying out for my home, Douche bag one inch dick follows me and I was in a neverending nightmare and now he's the one raising the kids? NO MORE DICKHEAD, sorry forget, you have no dick - it's time for blood. More to come later....

God just get me through this just get me through this

The big day...but I'm always a work in progress and have pix on the way - Working on the book working on myself - I am out of a job for the first time in 12 years and I still have no time. I've been reading that book by Nikki Sixx and thinking of poor Britney Spears - what the hell happened - she seemed like she got into a little post partum depression and if you're walking around naked in front of other's that's a little odd but in front of two very young children - your own two very young children - I took a bath with my kids until my son was two, I don't think her kids are older than that - and this guy is saying she lost her kids for good - bullshit and these rehabs are jokes and it's a shame - she shouln't have been so high profile but was she a danger to her kids? I don't think a danger...I think she's a danger to herself. She needs help and then someone needs to kick that smirk off of k-fed's face he aggravates me to no end. He's using her vulnerability now.

Master of Reality - That INTO THE VOID song is so hauntingly beautiful. I listened to it when I was alone in college before I met any friends and it really got me through. I read some Layne Staley bio that was also disturbing I think the woman, Adriana Rubino, really did him justice. It was different than any other bio I'd read before. While Ron Jeremy's was fun, and Nikki Sixx's reminds me of me, this one was from a true fan perspective and so raw I don't think even his mother Nancy could handle it. Speaking of Nancy's, another good bio is one that Nancy Spungen's mother Deborah wrote "I don't want to live this life" and of course the one about Gia, I met the guy who wrote it, nice guy, took the time to write me back which is more than I can say about a lot of other people....

I'm sorry I need help with the pix part and I don't even have any pictures yet. This is teeeerrrible...I promise -first I have to get off these subs first - not that I am going to wait THAT long but I have to get the book done - do this that  - my digital camera broke. I am going nuts. But I will get there. Everyone of my cameras is broke - and I have no job - but this is minor...so hang in there - let me edit THE DESTROYER and then I'll set up the pictures I want to look my best...I'll have them up within the next week or two - besides, where the hell are you going???

and now all I can think of is the lyrics to Working Man

Got the Heroin Diaries from Nikki Sixx, kind of like the Motley Crue Bio that came out in 2002? was it but that's not an insult. Good Solid reading material. Always liked Sixx. So now after 12 years I find myself jobless. I was making over 30 dollars an hour and now I'm making love every night to my pig, slang for cop fiance - I just lost 10 pounds - I gotta get some pictures up 'cause I'm looking goood and now I can really follow my dream, not that looking good has much to do with writing, that's the great thing about writing you can do it when you're 100 as long as you do it well. I try to look at that half glass, full, you know? I don't have a back up now. I really don't. My kids are still young and I want them to grow up knowing that no mattter what happens they can follow their dreams and never be afraid of ANYTHING. I am going to try a few agents/publishers but seeing that the publishing world is inundated with every book known to man, every different kind of genre imaginable I might just have to self publish which I realize doesn't get hard core respect but what the fuck? I have to start somewhere and I gotta get a recent pic of myself for you dudes and the ladies for my "chick lit wiith an edge." The Destroyer is gonna be real chick lit, Glock 17 and The Destroyer is gonna be a lot harder so I have two books, one for each sex...Love you guys, stick with me, I'm slow and sticky like molasses but you'll dig me, and like I said, I have two kids to support. I quit doing drugs and will even have to withdraw from my Suboxone, at this point, so I am sure this is gonna be a real picnic. I'll go through the day by day horror of it, while editing my masterpiece, all for you my fans, Tee-hee, And I will definitely get some pix up there. I'm looking pretty damn sweet. What stress will do for ya' ass. And I'm in my 30's. Good Lordy, think I'm gonna' need me a nerve pill..ooops...no more of that...work with me...pray for  me....something's gotta' turn out right,,,
Please email me at debbie@queendebbie.com
I'm so lonely

Drug free - the only way to be - it's the only way I'm gonna have to be now that I have no job and won't be able to get insurance to pay for suboxone - heroin's cheaper....time to work on the book - I NEVER felt so alone - I shouldn't say that I have my beautiful children and that's all I need. ALL I neeeeed..........

Tamed? hah? More fuel for the fire baby, Finally after twelve long years trapped in captivity I'm free. And now I can concentrate on what I've been talking about. The Corporate world is all about cowards who could never fight in the real world. I think of myslelf as a warrior. Like Joan of Arc. I can kick anyone's ass and if I can't I'll sure as hell give it my all. Corporate backstabbers ain't nothing but greed and as I hear in the music industry, for example, is how the talent, especially in the beginning gets so screwed because the corporate assholes take from the talent 'cause they can't do shit!!! Frustrating that's why I variate between doing my own thing, ie - self publishing and trying to get an agent.  
     When you get an agent though, then the publisher, editor, etc. mostly all crumudgeons (old geezers) that don't know talent from the seeping holes in their ass bleeding out hate. It's the same with corporate bosses. They want their ass kissed they want control and that's something I ain't never been good at. And as far as my ex is concerned, old pencil dick, he can suck my twat too. GO suck me - and those who love me - welcome to the pleasure dome - the people who need me - the poor unwanted huddled masses addicted and afflicted, come ye' all - read my words and I will soothe your savage soul...just give me a chance - I'll make you think that everything you do is OK. Freaks? I was and am 'til my death. I'm a Philly girl and was around when South Street was the shit. I only got backtracked because of men and drugs - but I'm here my beautiful children - I'm here to help - Look for THE DESTROYER and break free from those chains....

Finally the chains have been broken - I am now at liberty to write full time - watch out literary world - I"m taking something by storm whether it be winning the queefing competition on Howard Stern supposed to be coming up or people digging "The Destroyer" something's gonna give and it ain't my waistline - I lost 8 pounds BABY!

After 12 years of torture I was fired, finally. Even though it was a bogus corporate decision I could not wait for the day. The last two years were sheer torture. I need to concentrate on my dreams, not someone else's. Now THE DESTROYER and GLOCK 17 and THE DESTROYER will have my total concentration. I can't wait for the beginning of my new life to start. I don't know how to do it I don't know how it's gonna be done. But I'm coming out - I want the world to know I'm gonna let it show. For now, if the site's a bit beat, give it a chance. It'll come around, I have to get this book out, I've been talking about it long enough. It's time to get my words out on paper for the world to see. I guarantee any fan of the novel will NOT be disappointed. THe only ones with the sad clown faces will be the pompous assholes who I ALLOWED to rule over me for far too long. It's time for Debbie to shine and stop getting beaten. The whippings are starting to hurt. And I am going to do it sober, too. Something I could NEVER do at the slave pit of hell.

But I will survive I will....