A friend of mine was just arrested for getting drugs - an old friend - not one I associate with now. But it just goes to show me that I am on the right path - I am on the right path - here's to you 2008

2007 is waning away - what will be for us in 2008 - no matter how bad 2007 was for me - I always get a little burst of excitement knowing that a fresh new year is upon us and my son just pooped his pants so got to go...six years old and my daughter since 2 has never had an accident - I think skid marks are innate in men,, theory of the year

Pleeaase with cherry on tops...I waaaant it I waaant it - like the song by the who - you caaaaan't have it - but I waaant it I want it....The Magic Bus - toot down my street any day. I need it right now, Please oh christmas, new years magic - give me what you know is rightfully mine...pulease...and keep away all of the bad that has seeped its way into my house, my house...I can't think tonight. If anything, Glock 17 and the Destroyer is on some sort of hold until I get some fever in me. I've been reading ALOT - breaking from the year long furlough I made to get The Destroyer out - I guess it's rejuice time and since I don't know how THIS is going to turn out I have to wait anyway to get the ending to my book, well, actually, I already have the ending, I need a phat middle...

I have something I lost a while back, hope. I have my hope and I am happy again - what's great about times when you are just about to pull the trigger, so to speak, I would NEVER actually do that, is that when you come out of it, you are stronger and feel better than you did before-  THIS period 2007 was one of the roughest ones I have ever had - EVER and I just want anyone who is hurting out there for whatever reason to have faith that; whether you believe in a higher power or what - let that higher power or God see you through and have faith that it will come to its designated end, Life is truly a journey, not a destination because the "destination" would be considered death and who knows if that is a good or a bad thing. The point is, while we are here we have to fight to maintain peace inside of ourselves. We have to fight for what is right - and sometimes that saying the meak shall inherit the earth comes out true - one might look as though they wimped out or are being too nice but in reality they are sitting back and watching so when the play can be made it is a good one. When it is necessary to fight then one should. And I have stood back long enough, I am prepared now, I had to retreat because I was going through such a hard time. But I am back. And ready for action, baby.

Mentally. It's been a rough rough year. I am not sad to see it go but in hindsight I will remember and love it because it was a period of growth. And growth is so very painful. I am hoping for a particular thing right now to happen because I am getting rammy and hopefully I have seeked so I shall receive??? My little angel was dancing today at her dance recital and she looked so cute. I love to see her dressed like a princess. She is a little princess. And all of our dreams will come true  - YOURS and mine... 

I know what I have to do - know what's gotta' be done and there's no more bullshit - no more fucking around. I have been stagnant for a million years and I am tired of it - no more. I am done with a lot of things. And I have nothing to lose and everything to gain -and the only place you get by feeling sorry for yourself is in a very lonely, depressing place,
I recommend "The Glass Castle" by Jeannette Walls - I have to say I am only on page 33 out of 288 but it is astoundingly good and from what I gathered her life was very much like my own growing up. I wish I could quote a few quotes but I don't know everything about copyright laws - all I know is that the similarity between our fathers is astounding - so pick it up so you know what the hell I'm talking about!!! 
I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and has a happy New Year, one  filled with hope because if there is no hope  - one has nothing...and I have hope, this past year has been very strange, a true growth period, one that needs more than a few nails in each and every coffin that's lying before me... 

Appreciate all that you have  - it is what you need at this time...
LOVE AND KISSES,

THE DESTROYER

Watching Most Shocking videos - missing the past Christmas Eve's and can't wait until tomorrow when I get my kids for a whole week - I give my ex the benefit of so many doubts but he has it in for me because I left him 4 years ago. I gave him everything and he's nothing but an asshole I should have left in the woods - and the triuth will come out soon enough, the truth will come out soon enough,,,it always does and you can only mess with someone so long before it comes back to haunt you.

And all that. This has been a strange year - everyone I've talked with has said this has been their worst year ever. I can attest that it hasn't been the best of years...but 2008 - here's to you...

I found that this Gotham City Workshop give FREE worshops throughout the city so anyone who lives around there should take advantage - even when I lived in North Jersey it would have been a hell of a lot easier for me to get there. Two days til Christmas - it's truly for kids. They get so excited I can't wait for my munchkins to open their gifts I got my daughter a really cool one. A bicycle that hooks on to your TV set and you can play games with the bike - like you're really driving down the path and such - on top of that I got a really cool baby doll dress that I want to wear in front of the camera for this site when my book come out  - two treats in one!!!'
Debbie

The Destroyer is closer and closer to being finished - I have to review the galleys, go over what kind of promotional tools I want and I got this really kick ass baby doll outfit I'd love to use to promote it -- but this is where I get stuck and my audience thus far is not large enough to help out -- as of yet. It is a sex, drugs, and rock and roll soaked book, everything I've always been about since I was seventeen. Now, as a mother, do I want to keep writing this kind of art or do I want to delve into the truly literary/aristic mesmorizing piece of artwork that amazon introduced me to called "Lvoely Bones" It's by a girl/woman named Alice Seabold whom I've never hear of before. This novel is extraordinary where mine is more on the lines of Rick James let's get down with the funk or Nikki Sixx's book, you get what I'm saying. I want so badly to write a book that will deeply touch people on many levels, many different kinds of people. But I have an extreme amount of trouble writing outside of my own box, pardon the pun...I guess the only thing I can do is follow my heart and give it my all. I only want to touch people with my writing. It's been my dream since I was a little girl. The way author's have touched me. And God Bless everyone. And pray for all of those under the influence of drugs that cannot get help. I know of so many who have succumbed to the needle. My fiance has brought home pictures of women slumped over with needles in their arms and pictures of their children in the background and the cops just say, "Another scum bag jinkie that deserved what she got" and that hurts to hear that most people would agree with those kinds of statements not realizing that if you hit a depression so deep and the only thing that gets you through it are drugs, which are always there for you, then that's the only way you can ever cure yourself of the pain. It is hard to learn of any other way to fix that nagging gnawing heartache, the pain that just seems to never subside no matter how much you try.
     The warm heat that rushes through you is the only way to kill it - when that's all you know, and you have no friends, except some old guy rubbing your head telling you that you're doing just fine, then that's all you know....

it's time to do this by myself. I've always wanted to do things within the literary world and have always gotten more attention solo than attached with anyone else's name. So here goes...I'm very ansxious to see what happens. WHen someone deliberately is hurtful for an unexplained reason it's time to move one. I have to concentrate on three things right now, in this order, my sobriety, my children, my book, the only reason I put sobrietty first is because without that, I won't be able to fuifill my dreams - I've gone through a very painful time right now and I need to pick myself up and never look back. People that have been so kind - I really thank you, without your help I couldn't have made it...Ω 

I used to be a part of the Howard Stern show and I loved it. And then something very strange happened, Howard, who used to dig me - so doesn't anymore so I guess it was fun while it lasted - I got so many compliements on the last show I did I thought - wow, he should be impressed but no, he just seemed annoyed and aggravated...It makes me sad because at one time he was my hero - and now I must say goodbye  - break away and do this on my own somehow - I will always love Howard and it makes me so sad what happened after that last appearance but...it's time to make my own dreams - and I do believe in myself - I might be geting older but I will succeed as a novelist. I want to entertain people with my words - that is my dream - money has nothing to do with it....So, for the last 10 years, it was real....

know how to write and how to party everything else has become very strange like when you're in a blue world, the kind in that book Candy? I feel like I'm in that blue world

I really promise I try to put different pictures up and am so computer retarded I can never get it right but once in a while. I'm not doing to good with other things either - I'm in binge mode again - I really need help. I don't want the wrong people to read this and use it against me. I just want help without going into a stupid facility for 6 days and then being thrown out with my tolerance lowered. Damn it! I was doing so fucking good and despite what certain people think it's not where you live that's ridiculous - at my worst I was far far away from the badlands - the best I've ever been has been in the badlands....except for the fact that I'm still doing...bad...please the RIGHT person get me help...Insurance companies suck and if I were rich I'd go away for a long fucking time - I mean, look at Layne Staley. He knew he was a goner, And he had the money to get out. That scares the shit out of me. He even tried Methadone. Why is it so hard for me??? Why????I wish I could talk to Nikki Sixx for real - he was really bad off and he did it....if he can do it shit  I'm a piker compared to him.

and when it is I'm going to try and get some good pictures or at least different ones. I am still in a quandry about what to do with this site...

I can't believe Cindy Crawford is doing dancing with the stars. I remember being 19 years old, reading Cosmopolitan and Cindy was all the rage - and now she's a has been. It hurts. I know it revives careers for five minutes but what does that mean - what does it all mean??? I've been in a down low for so long now I've just about given up on ever getting out. God has his own plan for me? I don't know I don't know anything anymore except that I am really getting the short end of the stick and the ususal cheerful, upbeat ready to conquer the world Debbie is very sad right now, I don't need pity or any of that shit. What I need is a real honest to goodness turn around. And I don't even know where to begin. I thought I had it all figured out and now here I sit, 37, too old to even make it as a super cool head bopping TRL host. I am very depressed and it's going to take a Christmas miracle to snap me out of it,,,

I don't know I am anxiously awaiting a lot of things - the book will be ready in 4 months - I hate to keep harping about it when it isn't even available but I also can't wait to see how it turns out...I will know soon enough. A lot is going on in my life. It is weird after 12 years of slave driving work -- not to be working at all - all I know is I have to get cracking on Book II. 
     Did you hear about Alycia Lane punching that cop in the face vhat is the vorld coming to???Oh, the holidays, truly brings out the best in people. I'll write back hopefully with good news!!!
Debbie The Destroyer....

I'm not blocked per se yet after rushing rushing rushing through the first novel of the century "The Destroyer" now I must move on and yet I am in a bit of withdrawal - they're bringing me down off the suboxone and boy that leg pain blows. That's where I always get it, they did studies on dogs and when they hit withdrawal they shake their legs -good to know I am a dog - that is my Chinese sign but I hate the fact that I resemble an animal in my efforts to stay clean...I'm in a pissy mood and nothing's helping...waaahhhh But don't fret I'm beyond wanting anything - I just want to be FREEEEEEE and sell a few books along the way - I don't edit my blogs - my novels are waaaay better - duh - they's like real books....

today's depresion day - I just want to get out of the situation I'm in at all costs and it looks like its NEVER going to happen - I'll Make Christmas good for my kids but at the same time I can't wait until the holidays are over unless I can get where I want to be quicker and that doesn't look like it's going to happen...

It is now being processed - keep you informed with the progress and a special thanks to creativsoulz for giving me the heads up on inside info...tomorrow my little ballerina is going to dance....I love watching her dance especially with the baton - it is sooo cute

and early so I will refrain from any verbose statements - me tired- I have to get my kids to school and we were all jumping around last night having a blast!!!

I added his myspace link down below - it's cool, take a look at it...maybe get it for someone for Christmas, My kids are going crazy in the holiday spirit - where do they get the energy. I just found old pictures of me - I took them when I was 22 - a baby - of course I had as little clothes as possible on but it brought back a story of hilarity - one time I wanted to be an exotic dancer which I did for a summer- it was fun...great money, anyway...I taped one of my appearances and left the tape in the back seat of the trunk of an old Caprice Classic I used to own.
I went to college in bum-fuck-egypt and my friend drove me to school with the intention of driving my car back home because I didn't really need it on campus and being 400 miles away I didn't want to take the bus, so anyway, my friend drives me and the car breaks down - he leaves it in a place called Milton Pennsylvania - so here's my Caprice in the middle of nowhere and this state trooper found it and called my father who thought I was dead and went completely ballistic until he heard from me. All was fine and dandy until I remembered the tape of me dancing naked was n the trunk of my car - I guess the good old' boys of Milton had a rousing old time at the station that night - and that was when I was built like a brick shit house- sorry - haters - but I was...God I miss those days - but you know what - they are about to come again because I'm breaking out of prison, baby....

I lost a 50 dollar gift card; actually my kids did. But - hey - that's life - ce' la vei or however you spell it - it's driving me crazy but you gotta' let that shit go - I say this on my blog to share with people that material items mean nothing...let it go, baby I went through hell these passed few months but you know what? It doesn't matta' just keep doing what you're doing and it'll all come back to you...all in good time my sweet, all in good time....and when I am ready to start book two- boy to I have a tale to tell...

Now he wants an evaluation - he's spending 5,000 dollars on a total rip off the only thing I like about this is that I will be able to show (through numerous taped phone calls) how he's done nothing but harass me since the day I left FOUR years ago - let it go   - it's over and even if I was alone I would NEVER go back to him. I love life and I love my children and my sobriety. He makes it tough though. It sucks that people I have never met before email me through this website and are kinder to me than he could ever be - I signed my daughter up for dance classes which she loves and she misses her class every time he has her because he refuses to take her because  I signed her up and paid for it! His current girl tried to break up with him and he said she's "playing hard to get" I hate even wasting space with his two year old antics it's just so so sad - and when the kids are old enough they will know and they are going to resent him. I want my children to know about love and how to treat others even if they treat you bad, screw 'em, take the high road, God truly makes it so that what goes around comes around and I firmly believe that.(me and Justin Timberlake)
I hope my children grow up healthy and happy - there's no need for such nonsense...

Is coming soon  - watch Mary Jane Styles grow from a sweet innocent teenager to a punked out junkie to a cop's girlfriend to a madwomen. There's never been a book out there like it and it's all true!! Maybe not by MY experiences, ahem, but the experiences of others that I've taken in and drawn on. It's hell bent on entertainment and you won't be able to put it down. Right now I'm watching one said wacho search for his Glock, that, you can read about in Glock 17 and the Destroyer, never before has Mary Jane seen such madess. The MAN says that when he finds his Glock he's putting in right in the back of his head and I want to see that. He says a real man would do that and I say that's wimp shit - this is all seriously going on as we speak - watch for it - it only gets better.....shoot to killζ

I heard through the grapevine that people are worried about me - don't I am A SURVIVOR I am not on drugs and I feel great - I might live with a wildman but I am unafraid. Go ahead shoot me - I'll whip out my gold plated wonder woman bracelets - and do a triple whammy sumersault right over his head I am WOMAN nothing's stopped me before nothing ever will - EVA'

I also want new pictures up here and am so busy - but I will get to them - this website isn't going anywhere there will be good pics for girls (kittens) and guys (boobs) LOL
My life is in complete limbo and I want you to watch me work through this, Remember Magic Man by Heart - showing my age am I, well I am a Magic Woman, as all women are - believe it. We have power that God has given us that men only wish for, strength that can move mountains, remember that....I may be deep in the valley with a plastic bag over my head but soon I will be frolicking in the green grass, dancing naked like in Steal the Wine, take that girl, NOW I"M REALLY SHOWING MY AGE....time to get my DD hot tea --  a must have in the morning...

I got all my Christmas presents together now all I have to worry about is jealous assholes - always in my way  - I have been drug free and my ex - taking me to court for doing drugs is smoking pot like a chimney now I know what you're thinking - pot ain't a drug and it's not - BUT it is in the eyes of the court - so drug test us..this is not only silly but a big waste of money a big waste....I'm furious that out of all the assholes in the world - I date the biggest ones...

is on the way - look for it coming soon to a bookstore near you - of course I will be signing autographed copies to anyone who wants one...on this site...

Just in time for ....Easter - becasue that's when it will come out - in the mean time - Aaron the server email is down so I'll get to you later...I have to spruce up my book so I will write soon - I'm so excited I hope everybody loves my debut novel!! THe Destroyer,...Love you all And MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY CHANAKAH AND KWANZAA AND ALL THAT JAZZZZZZZ

I will say why later. The point is -- I took the plunge I self pubished I'm tired of waiting for other people to tell me I have talent - the Destroyer will be avaiable in April of 2008 - BE THERE BABY~

But something's stopping me - what is it I wonder - gut feelings I don't know. The big court case is on Friday with my asshole ex lying seriously - I feel for everyone who is in jail and is innocent. That's how I feel right now - but being as spiritual as I am I know that whatever happens is meant to be. I know that people say when their brothers, sisters, children, die, unnaturally, they lose that belief that everything happens for a reason but I still feel that way - time to party - drug free of course - seriously...i love being able to remember what I did or said and escaping before everyone gets too drunk or kooked and starts making me jones,,,

That's what I am doing today since I can't seem to control anything right now...I'd like to think that everything works out in the end - but I know from watching my father slip into oblivion that sometimes people with all the talent in the world just don't have the luck and some of the most talented people in the world are starving...that's what Kind of mood I'm in today.

At one time I thought drugs were the answer - I thought Love was the answer - the only answer is the one within yourself - thanks so much my emailing friends for your support even to welcome me into your home - I bless and love you and hope God rains upon you all the joys that are supposed to accompany life but unfortunately, all to often, we tend to overlook.
This isn't a set up for a joke either - I am very spiritual - God adores me and always has even when I defy, self destruct and backlash...I'm in tune with the spiritual world and know that one day my words will reach more masses than the ones I have now a few thousand -- as long as I can keep one person from picking up a drug I feel like I've done what I'm supposed to be doing.
Ever go on a cocaine binge? Hearing the birds chirp at 6 in the morning waiting for that all too familiar van to pull around the corner with the last bag is the worst, lonliest feeling in the world and then you have to pop a ton of PM"s or benzo's or some other drug just to get fitful nose with a tissue hanging out of your mouth kind of sleep -
For 2008 it's all about my children - whatever their little heart desires, they shall receive....that's what I want from the magic of Christmas.

that I wonder if they make up for the times when I do get what I need- not even what I want. I want my children to be happy. I wish that I had a nice house in the city and it was just me and them and that's it - is that so much to ask for - oh and J.K. Rowling money...I've even been in a writer's slump it's the holidays and the other shit going on. I really need to break free and I know that but the holidays are just too hectic. I want it to be warm when I make my break. I hate the cold. I wish I were young again - my dad was right - you''ll never ever get tnat kind of freedom back...it's not just the freedom it's the feeling that eventually everything is going to be all right when in reality - that's only for a select few...the rest of us look inside the window...and wonder what it's like to have everything

I hate the cold so much it sucks I just wish I could be somewhere warm - love Christmas - hate the cold. I have sooo many things to do and I just don't know what to do - it's like moving in slow motion...sucks but whatever - I'll get through it - if I could have a crystal ball to tell me what to do I'd feel a lot better...

Is the sky going to collapse? Everything is going too good today- I am scared - that means the sky will fall tomorrow - but until then I will suck up the pleasure and write write write and read read read - my two favorite things- and the big SEX with my utterly insane MAN, for real, he's The MAN on the streets - threatening and shaking drugs dealers hands, making sure the streets are safe- because believe it or not in the hardest of streets - the people that keep the crime away are the drug dealers - they don't want their business fucked with...for now I will orgasm to my hearts content - OLAY!

How is it that every artist seems tortured? I guess that's what brings about great art. I've made very self-destructive decisions in my life and do not regret them. I can't. That would be ridiculous but at the same time I gotta' be me - what does Layne Staley sing - "If I can't be my own - I'd be better off dead," That's how I feel - I always thought what I wanted was a man I could devote to myself entirely and love and be like Leave it to Beaver in the fifties - what I learned is I'm not June Cleaver. I'm Wendy O. Williams, who killed herself by the way because she was tired of living. I never understood that - someone with that much passion, killing themselves. I can understand Hunter S. Thompson because he was in so much physical pain but Wendy? Was it because the attention had died and she lost her passion once the public had lost its attention for her? She just walked into the woods and boom! That's unusual too in that women usually do pills not guns...viokent suicides are rare in females. And African American women have the lowest suicide rate of all - you know why? Confidence - nothing tears down there confidence - God Blass. That was it. Those are my thoughts of the day - my life is so tumultuous that I obsess on others to keep myself from thinking about my own dilemmas.

I just want a safe happy holiday without any problems  - There's just so much I want to write and I can't right now, but I will. I will and then it'll be said. Right now my hands are tied. But soon - there's that light I can see it. There's a light. I know it. It's gotta come soon - how much can one person take?