GUILT - I never regretted or felt guilty about ANYTHING ever but now that I have kids it's a constant battle - did I do this right  - is this hurting my kids??? I quit drugs for my kids...I mean, to me that was very difficult and only a fellow hard core addict can understand why..
But if I even yell at my kids - even if they're being brats I feel guilt - I don't have my kids ALL the time - so that's what makes it worse...and then something very strange happened...my son is usually mr. sensitivity but he's going to be 7 and kind of turning into a real boy where I don't have to worry about him as much. My daughter is the toughie...until yesterday...my sister brought over her 3 week old S.J. and we laugh because every time I hold him he falls asleep...so I was holding him and Jess was staring and saying - "Mom, put him in the car seat" and I said "Okay, hold on I want to hold him a while" and she was adamant - "no, mom, put him in the car seat!" and then I grew puzzled.
"What? - Hold on, Jess." I was enjoying the newborn feel.
Then, she burst into tears - violently - I had NEVER seen her like that in the five years since she was born...
My sister said, "I think she's jealous"
And it hit me so hard because she's such a little toughie....and then I said "Do you want me to hold you like a baby?" and she nodded. And then the rest of the night she talked in baby talk and really regressed, forgive the psycho analyst bullshit - it fits here...I was very surprised...VERY...and now I sit and feel guilt,,, it's all very strange...

I am getting bad - I used to do it everyday and at least have something new to say - I am an avid book reader - so if you're looking for light summertime murder go for the 48 hours series - I ordered so many books I have about 20 ahead of me and stil more in my "cart" I have to read, read, read - if you're looking for heavy murder and in depth court action - Vincent Bugliosi is the man - he's the one who wrote Helter Skelter and I'd always heard of the book, who hasn't? but never read it - it's fucking great - I got ,..and the sea will tell by him - he's one wordy prosecutor and this one is even longer than HS so it might take me a while but I'll let you know how it is - and will someone tell Court TV to start playing some NEW forensics files - I am getting tired of the same old blood, so to speak, I need a new murder, they have the best in their past but they show the same ones over and over again,,,right now I am reading a real girly book by Emily Giffin, her latest - so far it's not as good as her last three but it could pick up...it's late and I am very tired...I will try to pontificate something exciting but being so busy all the time makes it hard...
Debbie

I never knew it could be sooo good - all that time - wasted - money - now I have a ton of it..
everyone that is having an addiction problem should quit - I haven't felt so good in
forever and I want to feel this way forever...

This has been a great week - sun, the pool, ok so the fruit flies are driving me crazy but we'll get them - it's a shame - there are so many things I wanted to do with this site and I just don't have time - I'm having too much fun! Well, during the week I'm working my ass off but I thought maybe on the weekends I'd have a chance but wiith the kids I really don't - that and next week when they go down the shore with my ex I  have to see my man down at 10th and South so he can fix my hair - I haven't seen him since March - I can't believe it's been that long but yes it has and he/she is the only one allowed to touch my hair! I got an awesome v-secret outfit which I thought maybe I could tack up on here - if I get the chance I will - plus with J so jealous it's hard - he is possessive to the point that even a picture will send him into a frenzy - at my age can you imagine???Gotta love it!

the destroyer brings in all kinds of weird things - I am here today to talk about
weird people at work - someone so angry and hateful that she lies about
everyone and everything and has been caught so much that she can't get away with
the blatant shit so now she subtly tries to get people in trouble - but me and my gals
we are on to her and she's not going to break our bond - this doctor as smart as he is
is stupid enough to let one angry vehement woman control the department with her
lite and she will get hers - hers is a miserable life and she brings it on her self
Everyone must know people like that - she's off this week and it couldn't be greater or more relaxed - how the hell does the doctor let her get away - she's the only one who destroys our department and I am not the only one who dislikes her or is tired of her shit - there are
30/40 people behind us - so bring it on old bitter woman - we will win - we will win....
go to amazon and plug in Deborah Eden to buy the destroyer the greatest book since the bible.

My favorite website in the world - amazon.com - I am such the bookworm has THE DESTROYER just plug in Deborah Eden or The Destroyer and it'll pop up again- if you wish a free signed copy I still have a few left!!
Love, Debbie just email me with your address which many have done and are happy with the product ( I don't know if they read it or just like the signed copy, whatever -...gotta go..
www.amazon.com

was born on 6 - 6 -8 - weighing 6.6 pounds - I am now
officially an aunt! An sooo excited,,, Congratulations to my
sister and Jay who gave birth (though my sister did all the hard
work) at 3:03 on Friday June 6th 2008 - he is adorable!!!
My kids love him and now they have a new cousin to play with.

I can hardly wait until Friday,,,everything else is shit,,,bad day...rainy day...everything wrong - nothing to say
go away

I HATE PMS - I get it soooo bad,..it is truly a curse on all women...anyway -
I know it's a moldyoldy BUT Helter Skelter by Vince Bugliosi - I just never read
 it before - don't know how it escaped me...but it's out of sight, dude,
 and no I did not just say that seriously - I've been getting great reviews on the book...
so get it while it's hot - man they were a bunch
 of sick twisted mother fuckers - those dumb bitches fellated their own
 sons because "charlie" told them too - you know, fellatio...DISGUSTING.....
I mean, I don't care what the fuck they say about being born again and I
 hate to be a hypocrite,...and I know I was a drug addict at one time and I
 want people to accept me on a different level now...but don't you think that's
 slightly different than killing all these people begging for their lives, innocent
 lives...Even if a woman or man in the heat of passion kills a lover in the heat
of the moment, circumstances, and all, I still get it...but what they did was WHACK.
 Susan Atkins was one fucked up bitch...Like Diane Downs when she shot her
 kids vs. the woman in Texas who drowned her kids - first one was a stupid c*nt,
 second one I, me, my opinion, believe that she had a true postpartum psychosis
 going on - not that that excuses it but I am trying to put things into perspective...
Read it, get Helter Skelter - the guy's still writing books like "Five reasons how
 OJ got away with murder" I can list that: - no particular order -
1 - Judge Ito was a star fucker
2 - Johnny Cochran ( though I don't approve of what he did I dig the guy when
 he was alive, seemed cool with good sense of humor) but as lawyer - couldn't
 be beat
3 - Stupid gullible jury
4 - Throw the race card into any pile and it always makes for something riveting
5 - Stupid gullible jury...and Crisco according to some dude last week -
My brain is now completely fried, I have no car and I am TOTALLY PMSING
 like to the MAX - I WANT TO EAT A SHARK
sorry, Fred, couldn't hear you on phone today - sounded worse tban usual...
www.xlibris.com/thedestroyer.html
If you're in Philly at the end of 95 at Allegheny - on Richmond Ave.
there is a great little bar called Byrnes - I'll be there tomorrow
Tuesday June 3rd with books in hand - if you're in the hood stop on by!