I saw the mountains of Greenville - and felt things I hadn't felt in a long long time...I feel as though fate had brought him to me just as Ray had been to turn my life into what it is now - it saddens me- and long ago someone said to me that when someone whispers in your ear your name that person is an angel - Ray was sudden brief and violent - G was long slow, arduous and at the time, torture - absolute heaven and hell for many many reasons and I feel the pain of those who loved him. just as I had Ray's a tormented soul,, I wonder if he ever found what I have...which is myself which I lost for sooo long - twisted by drugs and dark happenings,..I feel like I can't possible explain the tears that fall so powerful were the emotions and confusion then as they are now as to how people come into your life and inadvertently change its direction....

I got my Chanel Bag  - Got the Shoes - I want it ALL THOUGH ALL - I love Chanel I know Hermes is all that but Chanel can never ever be beat, sorry 45,000.00 bags - Chanel wins hands down - onto other things - Ann Rule book is good but not one of her best...more like a wife beater book and I hear that every night from Jimmy's files - also - if anyone hurts my heart - they always die - it's always been like that and always will be - they either die violently or just too young EVERY TIME - so beware- when I was 15 I was heavy into Wicca and I swear I have these freaky powers still - they all die!! It's in the book - the guy dies - the one named Michael - dead as a doornail - just like "Butchie" - real name Ray - I won't say Michael's real name because it happened too short a time ago - he touched my life, put me into my next chapter and then died...

To good things - Christmas Eve is gonna Rock - everyone is coming to my house - including SANTA CLAUSE - my kids sat with Santa and I got a nice cheesy picture - Jake, at 7 though is getting a bit too big - but he did it for Mommy - aah, my kids are so wonderful -


I cannot believe "Michael/G" died?!? It is true - he hurt me and then he died...just like all the rest...very strange.....