I let down my kids I let down my inner self - where does it end - nothing is working - I ALWAYS got a break ALWAYS - there's no break coming nothing but depression and feeling like the two little people the need me the most I've let down the most- I don't know what to do anymore

Each "episode" I've been through in my life has always led me to somewhere - I know deep inside of me the reason for my eternal frustration, and I've come to this conclusion while readin Patti Smith's Just Kids, that the artist in me is not flourishing - I started in 1989 something I should have kept up with  but I met a guy and I just quit - just up and quit and became brutally depressed - that pivotal moment in my life I cannot forget nor forgive myself for...I feel as though if I do as I SHOULD be doing I will eventually get through the tunnel and yet something I can't even put my finger on it now - something stops me- I really really tried in 1996 thru 2000 to get something going - nothing ever took - that is why I feel like I did try maybe it's not for me but then what is??? Why can't I get anywhere with my writing? Now it's a no-brainer because I'm not doing anything with it - but why not then when I had the time, the opporunity , Marvin thinks it's my destiny...but I am not so sure...I don't feel like what I am doing right now is my destiny that's for sure...I just don't know what to do...I have my children thank GOD because they are it! They are the only ones in my life that never let me down....

I had a great day in May - and it's June already!!! Nothing changed and yet I am content for now so I want to suck it up while I can - my baby is going to be 7!! I remember being pregnant and eating, devouring taco salads from Wendy's - that's when I was in the suburbs  I hope the Flyers win tonight - it's 2 - 1 now but game wise it's 2/0 so...come on Flyers -if the Phillies can do it - you can too!!1 Four day week is cool it's HUMP day - and at bars across America give kinky quizzos a chance! It's a lot of fun wheeee......They're coming to take me away ha ha they're coming to take me away - shout to Neon Angel good book - Joan Jett Picture book is good though for the pictures of course - the story in Neon Angel is great - excellent fast read... I wanna be a cowgirl baby....